title: The Hand Of Non-Violence: Five Steps to Honesty and Clarity in Communication
author/editor: Marshall B. Rosenburg
reviewed by: Julie D. Keefer
THE HAND OF NON-VIOLENCE
Marshall B. Rosenburg's book, Non-Violent Communication is a valuable resource toward living with greater harmony and peace. He names a pattern of non-violent communication which helps us stop our habitual reactivity to life and helps us learn to respond with awareness, self-discovery, interpersonal integrity and wisdom. His four-step questions include:
1. What am I observing, using all my senses and intuition?
2. How am I feeling about it?
3. What is my need, related to it?
4. How will I respond to assert myself in addressing the moment, and get respect others' feelings and needs with humility, right timing, and compassion without blame or judgment?
I have added a fifth step which I feel is important to reinforce the learning of the first four:
5. What is the outcome of my response; what worked, didn't work? How would I do it differently?
I use my hand to remind me of these five steps. I use my thumb to touch each finger, beginning with the index finger: What do my observations lead to? Next finger: How do I feel? Ring finger: What do I need? And, the little finger reminds me: Be humble and gentle in my response-not angry or insensitive to others' feelings and needs.
The thumb brings me back to the beginning and to deeper integration as I reflect on the outcome, and make further observations. This is how I refine my learning and response. It's a way to ground prayer and reflection involving my body.
This human process builds our trust in Wisdom's Way.
Julie D. Keefer (May '05) runs Morningstar Adventures, a retreat center in LeRoy, Michigan. This book comment comes from the center's Autumn 2005 newsletter.